


I'll Let My Marks Remind You Of Me

by Akiko_chaan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Dirty Talk, M/M, Shameless Smut, Smut, a tiny bit of angst and fluff at the end, bottom!kihyun, but mostly this is just sin, dominant!changkyun, handjobs, other members are mentioned, this porn actually has a plot, top!Changkyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 16:12:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_chaan/pseuds/Akiko_chaan
Summary: "So what if I did it on purpose?", he continued, his voice just deep enough to destroy Kihyun's last doubt as he detached his tongue from Kihyun's earlobe. "Would you punish me then, hyung?"His fingers on Kihyun's shoulder were wandering lower, brushing over the cloth of his shirt just hard enough for him to feel the touch on his hip. Kihyun tried to hold back, his teeth coming down to bite on his lip, his body involuntarily leaning towards Changkyun, aching to be closer to him.Because he knew where this was going - he always did. And Changkyun did, too. Both of them knew he was doing this on purpose, and Changkyun knew just too well how much Kihyun loved it.Changkyun clicked his tongue. "Because I rather think it's you who likes to get punished."





	I'll Let My Marks Remind You Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas my lovelies!
> 
> This is a gift dedicated to my beautiful friend Cari; oh my darling, how do I deserve you? You make me believe in the kindness of humans. You're so talented and amazing, never forget that; I am grateful for whatever force made us meet, and I really hope you like this piece of sinfulness.
> 
> As always: Please don't read this is if you don't like smut, know me in reallife or want to stay innocent.  
> To everyone else: Let's indulge in smut on such a religious day.

"You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

Kihyun knew Changkyun wasn't a saint. He might be younger, wear the face of a puppy only looking for love and warmth and have a way of taking Kihyun's hand in his that made Kihyun forget about everything else those fingers could do to him, but Changkyun was everything but innocent.

His pinky could wrap Kihyun around it in just a matter of mere seconds; the deep voice of Changkyun could make a shiver run through every fiber of Kihyun's body by just a syllable; and those lips could make him forget everything but Changkyun without even trying; those lips that were curling into a smirk right in front of his face at this very moment.

"Just admit it", he tried to say with a stable voice, although it was already betraying him. He knew this too well, he knew Changkyun too well, he knew the fingertips that were slowing brushing a strand of hair out of his face too well, the soft pressure on his temple.

Changkyun was already leaning forward, his arms trapping Kihyun between the wall and his body. "I didn't even deny it yet", he whispered in Kihyun's ear, and Kihyun flinched at the touch of something wet against his skin.

"So what if I did it on purpose?", he continued, his voice just deep enough to destroy Kihyun's last doubt as he detached his tongue from Kihyun's earlobe. "Would you punish me then, hyung?"

His fingers on Kihyun's shoulder were wandering lower, brushing over the cloth of his shirt just hard enough for him to feel the touch on his hip. Kihyun tried to hold back, his teeth coming down to bite on his lip, his body involuntarily leaning towards Changkyun, aching to be closer to him.

Because he knew where this was going - he always did. And Changkyun did, too. Both of them knew he was doing this on purpose, and Changkyun knew just too well how much Kihyun loved it.

Changkyun clicked his tongue. "Because I rather think it's you who likes to get punished."

_____________________________

Kihyun was a very organized person. He tried to keep track of everything - his eating habits, his schedule, his focus on work, his sleep rhythm or even the weather.

He liked to be in control when it came to his personal life, and he liked to know when exactly something changed in order to be able to turn back time if if didn't work out.

At least, that was before Changkyun entered his life.

How he had done that was still a mystery to Kihyun, even after all this time. Of course it had been because of his talent and maybe also the obvious intention of the producers to bring a bit more drama into the show, but Kihyun couldn't help thinking that maybe Changkyun had joined No Mercy because of some faith that might exist in this universe.

Because no matter how much he tried to deny it in the beginning, Changkyun managed to touch something inside of him nobody had ever dared to step onto.

And while Kihyun had never been a fan of feelings, it was the truth - though all of that drama meant a lot of sadness for Changkyun, it was also the reason the two of them got closer over time; having to pretend to absolutely hate him in front of every camera, Kihyun felt almost obliged to let Changkyun know just how different his real feelings were whenever they weren't being recorded.

His real feelings that, at the start, might have really not been any more than neutrality, a bit of negativity considering the whole situation really was unfair, and a drop of guilt at the thought how Changkyun must have felt. He was chasing his dream like all of them, and no one had ever expected him to care about anyone else than himself; they weren't allowed to.

Except Kihyun started to care about Changkyun. It was a slow process, and while he was able to pinpoint everything in his life, Changkyun was the first to fall out of that category. No matter how much Kihyun thought about it until his head ached, he couldn't figure out when his neutrality had turned into warmth, warmth into even more warmth and the feeling paralyzing his body whenever Changkyun's body grazed his into wet dreams.

It was embarrassing, really, the way he turned into stone whenever Changkyun came close to him, but he couldn't stop it. And he didn't want to. Not when he dared to imagine all the things Changkyun did, holding his hand, wiping the corner of Kihyun's mouth with his fingers before touching his own lips and cuddling up next to him when he dared to share a bed with Kihyun, were more than just mere coincidence.

Needless to mention, Kihyun was close to losing his self control more than just a few times. He dared to hope Changkyun was doing all of these things on purpose, that he didn't just imagine Changkyun feeling the sexual tension just as much he did, but he didn't know if he should really take the risk.

However, his opinion changed pretty quickly the further they progressed in the show, his heart overflowing with affection whenever Changkyun succeeded and his arm wrapped around his waist yet another night, his fingertips with a little too much pressure on his waist to count as an accident.

He couldn't deny how ridiculously hot Changkyun looked with make-up, even more in his tight jeans and his styled hair, the sight alone making his mouth dry and his own pants lack a bit of space. And unfortunately, he felt like Changkyun had turned his continous flirting up yet another inch that appeared in random moments during their otherwise so pure and warm relationship, when he came up to Kihyun one day before one of their missions.

"What are you doing, hyung?"

Kihyun turned around, his eyes that had been focusing on the different pieces of clothing landing on Changkyun, and he almost choked on his own breath. The light behind the stage was a dimmed kind of orange, and while he always considered himself to look horrible in it, Changkyun literally stole his breath.

"Just ... trying to decide what to wear", he answered, resisting the urge to voice his real thoughts.  
... thinking about how to rip that shirt off your chest.

Kihyun was screwed. If he didn't know better, he would have thought Changkyun had picked those leather pants and the shirt revealing just enough of his collarbones to drive Kihyun crazy on purpose. He ached to just feel Changkyun against him, and he had to physically hold back in order not to let his hands wander over Changkyun's torso, over the warm, soft skin he had imagined to kiss so many times.

However, he shouldn't have worried about that, because the next moment, every intention, if good or bad, was destroyed either way, as Changkyun parted his lips and licked over the corner of his mouth; the tip of his tongue darting out just long enough for Kihyun to see the way it was glistening in the light.

And then, he said it.

"How about you just wear nothing at all, hyung?"

Compared to now, Kihyun hadn't known a lot about Changkyun back then. He had known Changkyun wasn't the definition of innocent, judging by his normally a bit more held-back, but still somehow suggestive comments, the way his hands touched Kihyun's neck in his sleep or how his eyes glid down Kihyun's figure whenever he left the bathroom.

What he hadn't known was how suggestive Changkyun's comments could really get. Or how they would even make him flinch with a sudden flame of arousal, causing his hands to shiver as he turned back around and tried to look for clothes, ignoring Changkyun's comment in order not to tear him onto the floor with him in the next second.

And somehow all the other boys suddenly asked him if he was okay, because he apparently wasn't looking too well, and maybe he felt something inside his jeans ache just the slightest; and he couldn't focus at all when it was his turn to perform, almost screwing up more than just one high note, while being in a state between delirium and trance looking at Changkyun as it was his turn.

And everything seemed to blend and mix until there wasn't one coherent thought anymore, and when they were finally told they had passed, and Kihyun stumbled backstage behind the others, trying to think of something, anything to make these sinful thoughts calm down, it was Changkyun's hand which was suddenly on his hip, unseen by anyone else, sliding lower until he could feel Changkyun's fingers digging into the skin right below his tailbone.

And that was when Kihyun snapped; grabbing Changkyun's arm roughly, he pulled him into the next room they passed, slamming the door close behind them and laying his hands on his shoulders, pressing him against the wall.

He wanted to ask him if he was doing this on purpose, he wanted to become angry at him and get him to say what he was even thinking, if he was - but Changkyun's eyes looking in his were so full of pure, not even held-back lust that all he could suddenly think of was just how much he wanted Changkyun to claim him as his in the most primal way possible.

His mouth opened, closed, opened again. Changkyun's glance lowered, until he was blatantly staring at Kihyun's lips, and his tongue darted out of his own mouth a second time as if he was imagining his lips as Kihyun's.

"If you don't close your mouth right now, I am going to kiss you until all you are breathing is my air", Changkyun almost moaned, his voice too clear in Kihyun's ears, his sentence almost like a warning.

But Kihyun didn't mind. He didn't mind at all.

His hand reached out for Changkyun's hair, the other one trying to pull him closer by his shirt, but Changkyun already had his fingers against the nape of Kihyun's neck and was pressing his lips against Kihyun's. Moving almost hungrily against his mouth, even more as he noticed the desperation in Kihyun's motions, his teeth teasingly grazed his bottom lip, the tip of Changkyun's tongue against the corner of his mouth, and then on Kihyun's tongue.

It was messy, uncoordinated, but Kihyun didn't care. He needed Changkyun closer to him, so much closer; he needed to touch him, to feel him, to feel Changkyun's hands on every inch on his body until there wasn't a spot his fingertips hadn't met.

A low growl left Changkyun's mouth as he leaned back to breathe, giving Kihyun almost no time to recover his senses before he connected their lips again immediately, fingers running through Kihyun's hair while his other hand was pulling on Kihyun's shirt tugged into his jeans. Changkyun's lips were so warm, the skin of his neck almost burning as Kihyun lowered his hand, reaching for Changkyun's fingers that were a bit too hesitantly working on his shirt, grabbing the fabric and pulling their hands upwards so Changkyun's fingertips touched the bare skin of his hip.

"Don't", Kihyun breathlessly whispered against his lips, "Don't ask. I trust you, just touch me, please."

And so Changkyun did. His hand roamed up and down Kihyun's chest below his shirt, fingers grazing his nipples, and Kihyun almost thought he could feel the corners of Changkyun's mouth rise as he flinched to the touch, his body pressing onto Changkyun's. His other hand was on his waist, turning Kihyun around so he was the one with his back against the wall.

There was too much of Changkyun and still not enough, Kihyun's lips almost sore with Changkyun's taste, but he couldn't find himself to care. He needed more of him; a sound close to a whine left his mouth as Changkyun took a step back in the moment he wanted to reach for his shirt. But it was almost like Changkyun had heard his wish, or maybe he also just wanted to feel Kihyun's skin against his, because he was already pulling the shirt over his head, revealing his bare chest heavily rising and sinking in obvious arousal.

And Kihyun raised his head, his glance gliding over Changkyun's collarbones, his throat and his lips, red from all the biting, until it met his eyes.

And if Kihyun hadn't known before just how much he actually felt attracted to Changkyun, just how screwed he really was, he did now; because no matter how attractive and hot Changkyun looked in this moment, the thing that made his heart race the most was the absolute expression of love in his eyes.

Kihyun learned yet two other things that night, in that storage room, between clothes and camera equipment, as he was leaning against the cold wall behind him, hands buried in Changkyun's hair as he sucked him off; his lips wrapping around Kihyun's cock in such a blunt manner that the sole sight of spit dribbling down Changkyun's chin almost made Kihyun cum. When he did though, his fingertips digging into Changkyun's shoulders, Changkyun's tongue was still on his dick, and just a second later his body was brushing against Kihyun's, lips on his, Kihyun tasting himself in his mouth.

He learned that Changkyun had absolutely done and still did everything on purpose, the way his hips were moving against his; his hard cock against Kihyun's thigh as his lips worked on his neck, still making whines pass Kihyun's lips as Changkyun guided his hand between his legs. And somehow Changkyun just knew what do and what to say to drive Kihyun crazy.

His voice was the kind of low that made Kihyun's body shiver. "Suck me off."

There was a certain dominance in Changkyun's voice Kihyun had never heard from him before, and a wave of excitement and will to oblige crashed over him as Changkyun leaned back, his legs spread, the grip on Kihyun's shoulders showing him without words where he needed him to be. His eyes were dark, moans escaping his lips as Kihyun finally wrapped his lips around the head of Changkyun's cock, already wet with precum just from making out and blowing Kihyun. There was something so erotic and sinful about all of that, the sweat on their skin and the waves of electricity running through Kihyun's body, that he tried his best to make Changkyun feel good.

He learned that he liked being dominated, not being in control for once, as Changkyun tugged on his hair, his hand pushing Kihyun's head lower, praises mixed with orders spilling out of his lips; hands stroking Changkyun's thighs and abdomen, Kihyun couldn't help the feeling of that slight submissiveness causing a spark in his stomach.

He tried his best to swallow as Changkyun came with a groan, although he felt Changkyun loosen his grip as if to tell him it was okay if he didn't; but he wanted to, he wanted to for Changkyun; and when he came up, Changkyun's thumb catching the excess semen in the corner of his mouth, his tongue licking over it before Changkyun could even pull his hand away, he tried to keep on looking into Changkyun's eyes, his body trembling as Changkyun whispered: "You really enjoyed this, didn't you?"

It was much rather a statement than a question, and although it was an obvious fact, the certain tone still made Kihyun's heart race. He hummed in approval as he leaned forward, his hands against Changkyun's chest, lips hurting with the desire to touch Changkyun's again. He didn't have to wait; Changkyun was already pulling him close, his arms wrapping around Kihyun's waist, as warmth spread in Kihyun's body, skin on skin in so many places.

And Kihyun couldn't clearly recall what exactly they talked about that night, legs entangled on that cold storage room floor, Changkyun's hands somewhere on his weak body, just anywhere. But he remembered Changkyun's eyes and the hotness of his skin, the gentleness mixed with the hunger of his kisses that were so sweet afterwards, and he remembered two of his words.

"Me too."

_________________________________________

All that time before, even seconds before Kihyun had pulled Changkyun in that room all that time ago, he had asked himself if it would be possible to just forget Changkyun. If there was a way to forget Changkyun's smiles, his voice and his touches, it didn't seem all too clear for him.

It was one thing he didn't have to worry about anymore - because there was absolutely no way he would ever forget about Changkyun after what happened that night. He didn't want to, and Changkyun obviously didn't, either.

They couldn't keep their hands off each other until they reached the dorm, and only when they were confronted with questions from the other trainees, Kihyun managed to let go of Changkyun's fingers for the sake of keeping it a secret. But Changkyun had always been better at lying than him, and he was very grateful for the lies passing his lips in this moment; he didn't know yet how much value exactly those lies would have during the next few years.

And although Kihyun wanted nothing more than to just sleep close to Changkyun, his body aching for the younger's touch, Changkyun's glance as he climbed into his own bunk told him he probably shouldn't. He really shouldn't, he thought, pressing his face into the cold pillow. They really shouldn't have done any of that.

But somehow, he didn't find himself to care about it even the slightest bit.

Things were always messy with Changkyun, but they were especially messy at the beginning. They tried to take use of every situation to just stand close next to each other, to touch, but Kihyun still had the impression of going crazy. It was Changkyun who slipped into the bathroom seven days after that crucial night, his sudden grip on Kihyun's hips as he was turning him around almost making Kihyun let his toothbrush fall down before Changkyun's lips were already on his again, and he was kissing him like he hadn't breathed for a week.

They decided it was too dangerous to keep this up in the dorms, with all the other trainees around them; skinship was restricted to the secret moments they shared in empty storage and dressing rooms, in very desperate times even in the bathroom of their company building, when they had a break and Changkyun looked too good in his clothes for Kihyun not to press his body up against him.

If they had luck, it was sometimes a quick handjob, messy kisses and panted breathing with hands against mouths to restrict the noises, Kihyun's hands clinging onto Changkyun's shoulders as his hand wrapped around their cocks.

If they didn't, weeks passed without them getting any chance to do what they desired; it wasn't even that Kihyun had the constant urge to touch Changkyun sexually; he just wanted to be close to him, even if that just meant kissing. But not being able to even hold hands for weeks made the frustration pile up so high that the first thing he could think about when being alone with Changkyun was pulling that cursed shirt over his head to finally touch his skin.

He remembered almost breaking down during the last few weeks of the survival show; both the stress and pressure combined with the lack of physical contact with Changkyun brought him close to losing his mind, and he knew Changkyun wasn't feeling much differently. Both of them knew just how wrong it was what they were doing, and Kihyun knew what he would choose if someone ever found out and asked him the question; but he didn't ever want Changkyun to choose.

He tried bringing the topic up a few days before the final decision, the anxiety pooling in his stomach. But as Changkyun was standing in front of him, he couldn't even bring himself to voice the question. He feared that Changkyun would answer with a yes, when Kihyun wasn't and would never be ready to let him go. And so he didn't ask.

He did never think a second time about asking Changkyun after this week, because a few days later, when both of them were announced as members of the new band, and Changkyun was once again pulling him far away from the others, in a room between clothes and dusty furniture, he said the words that would never leave Kihyun's mind after that.

There was such a contrast between his almost aggressive actions Kihyun had learned to love too much, the way his body moved against his, the dirty, sinful words he moaned into Kihyun's ears, the way his fingers dug into his skin, and the gentleness of everything he wasn't completely sure Kihyun would be okay with, his lips softly kissing Kihyun or the way he stroked his thighs to distract him from the unavoidable pain of the first finger inside his ass.

And Kihyun loved it, everything about it; he loved both sides of Changkyun, the way his cock felt inside of him and the way his skin felt against his, the way Changkyun made his heart flutter at every motion and the way his eyes were always searching for Kihyun's.

Kihyun was okay, because they were as close as they could be, and when Changkyun leaned down, fingers on Kihyun's cheek, and whispered: "I think I love you, hyung", he felt like crying.

________________________________

Things got easier after that, at least for a while. With a lot less people in the dorm and the safety of having made it into the band, they dared to let their caution slip a little. Changkyun was so eager and Kihyun loved it, the messy make-out sessions against bedroom doors, the quickies in the dorm whenever the other members weren't at home, the steamy showers with Changkyun's skin almost feeling as burning as the water.

It wasn't easy, but they learnt to cope. Things had never been awkward between them, but they got even more comfortable as they learned what the other liked. Especially during promotion time, there wasn't much space for anything else than practice and sleep, and somehow it all started with Changkyun catching Kihyun staring at his crotch for a bit too long to count as coincidence, and it ended with his fingers in Kihyun's ass on the floor of their bathroom, fingering him until his thighs trembled and he had to bite down on Changkyun's bottom lip in order not to scream as he finally came.

It was a quicker way of finding release for either him or Changkyun, although sucking Changkyun off in the kitchen in the middle of the night never made him feel the same as it did when both of them actually got off, at the rarest occasions.

What he lacked more though, was a more normal life of their relationship. He liked to jerk Changkyun off, feel his fingers running through his hair and his tongue on his cock, but he wanted to hold his hand, to lean his head on his shoulder and to kiss him not only in dark rooms when nobody else was looking.

Yet, both of them knew it wasn't possible. And so they somehow tried to compensate it by getting the most out of their time alone; it wasn't allowed and so, so wrong. But stopping wasn't an option.

Changkyun lies saved them more than just a few times during the next years, and make-up became Kihyun's best friend in his attempts to hide Changkyun's marks. If Changkyun had been everything but submissive before, he was straight-up dominant by now. Because of the fact they had to hide their relationship and only had specific moments to be close, he apparently felt like he needed to let Kihyun know he was his even if he wouldn't be able to touch him for another few days.

They never had the time to talk about it, but Kihyun noticed the way Changkyun changed; careful before to not even reveal a bit of their relationship to the others, he seemed to just not care anymore. It was almost like they were going back to the beginning of their relation, when Changkyun had tried to secude him in so many ways, and not one of them had been an accident.

It was like that again now; they were at the end of promotions and hadn't had the time for more than a few minutes together for weeks. Kihyun could almost feel Changkyun's frustration like a cloud over his head; he had the feeling Changkyun was just like him, wanting to do more normal couple-stuff, and having no other chance than to turn it into something explicit. Not that Kihyun minded, though, about the explicit stuff - there was nothing hotter than Changkyun biting his lip whilst staring at him directly.

Except they weren't alone; to be more exact, they were eating with all of their members and even a few people from the company, and Changkyun on the opposite side of the table was licking the red, spicy sauce off his ricecakes like his life depended on it.

It always started like this. It wasn't like Kihyun never initiated anything, but usually Changkyun was the one not being able to hold back anymore and bringing them into these situations. He did everything on purpose; there had never been anything about Changkyun that wasn't done on purpose and Kihyun wasn't too sure how much longer he would actually be able to hold back.

It was said frustration that had been piling up inside of him for a while now, and he almost choked on his food as he looked up to see Changkyun staring at him, licking the sauce off his lips. Judging by the pain gradually starting to spread in his jeans, Kihyun was almost sure Changkyun would also get what he wanted today. But maybe it was, what Kihyun wanted, too. He was just a bit more rationally thinking and -

He felt something touch his foot before slowly sliding up his leg up until his knee. Changkyun had somehow managed to take off his shoe without Kihyun noticing, and now he was wandering up Kihyun's thigh. Kihyun contemplated on resisting, but if he was honest with himself, it was exactly what he wanted. There was something so incredibly arousing about Changkyun doing this in front of all these people, and the sole thought of what Changkyun would do to him if they were alone was making him hard.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, he loved this side of Changkyun. This side that managed to dominate Kihyun even when the only thing touching his body was his foot.

"Kihyun", he heard a voice say next to him, and turned around to see Minhyuk looking at him with almost worried eyes. "Are you okay? You seem distracted."

Distracted was a very plain way to describe the feeling in Kihyun's chest as Changkyun's foot came up between his legs, pressing against his bulge and moving almost teasingly. He bit down on his lip in order not to change his facial expression.

"I am fine", he managed to respond, although he was everything but fine.

It wasn't the first time Changkyun was doing something like this. Kihyun honestly didn't know where he took the courage from. Back in their No Mercy days, he hadn't been that desperate, but over the time his actions had become a bit more extreme. Kihyun could recall it almost too clearly, the strokes of Changkyun's hand on his cock during a movie evening with the other five band members, sinful movements below a blanket and Kihyun's teeth biting into the back of his hand in order not to moan loudly.

It had been during their debut promotion, and somehow Kihyun had the impression the less time together they had during certain weeks, the more Changkyun took measures like this. He knew just how irresistible he was for Kihyun, and somehow he always got him to do the things he wanted.

Likewise, it wasn't the first time Kihyun thought about how all of this was a way to compensate the otherwise lacking nature of their relationship. He loved it, but he still felt like something was missing.

However, this wasn't the right time to thing about things like those; because Changkyun was currently applying even more pressure onto his bulge, his foot rubbing up and down. Kihyun's knuckles turned white as he grabbed the tablecloth harder. If Changkyun didn't stop, he was sure he would come in his jeans at some point and that wasn't at all what Kihyun wanted.

"Are you okay, hyung?", Changkyun, that little shit, dared to ask and now even Hyungwon and Wonho turned their heads to look at Kihyun, who was by now pressing his arms against his sides in an attempt to stop his body from shifting. He stared back at Changkyun, who seemed like he was trying to suppress a smirk, his eyes squinted and his fingers tapping against the surface of the table.

"Your cheeks are so red", Wonho commented from the side, and Kihyun tried to detach his glance from Changkyun, who was turning the napkin in his hands, but to no avail. "Are you sure you aren't -"

And in that exact moment, Changkyun dared to form a cone with his napkin, two of his fingers disappearing inside of the fabric before he started moving them in and out like he was imagining the napkin as something else, and Kihyun choked as Changkyun's foot pressed against the tip of his cock over his underwear and jeans.

"I - I need to -", he stuttered, almost jumping up from his chair, the pressure between his legs vanishing; he quickly turned around, his hands curling around the wood of the backrest in order not to let the others notice how hard he was in his trousers. Now everyone's glances were finally on him; he hectically managed to bow, muttering something under his breath about having to go to the toilet.

He almost tripped over his own feet as he hurried to leave the room, running down the hallway, glance searching for any empty room. His steps were leaving low, dull noises on the carpet, and anticipation of what would follow was burning inside of his chest.

His eyes met the room for the staff on the right side, and his walk sped up a second time, hand reaching out for the door handle and quickly stepping inside; he wanted to pull the door close behind him, but before he was able to, another figure slipped inside the room, pushing the door into its lock behind it and walking up to Kihyun.

"I hoped you would follow me -", Kihyun was able to mumble before Changkyun was already kissing him, pushing him closer to the wall with every motion until Kihyun could feel coldness against his back. He pulled away, gasping for air, his hands buried in the fabric of Changkyun's shirt.

"I told them you weren't feeling well since this morning", Changkyun explained, his voice almost unnoticeably lower, but enough to make Kihyun's blood boil. "That I would look for and take care of you."

A shiver ran down Kihyun's spine. Take care of him, god, yes, he wanted Changkyun to care of him, and especially of the problem between his legs.

"In front of all these people", Kihyun said, trying to keep a bit of his dignity as his grip on Changkyun's shirt was tightening, "The way out ate the food, the napkin ... You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

Changkyun looked at him with a spark in his eyes, the left corner of his mouth rising just the slightest. It drove Kihyun crazy; everything about Changkyun did, honestly. His smell, his taste, his touch.

"Just admit it", he tried to say with a stable voice, although it was already betraying him. He knew this too well, he knew Changkyun too well, he knew the fingertips that were slowing brushing a strand of hair out of his face too well, the soft pressure on his temple.

Changkyun was already leaning forward, his arms trapping Kihyun between the wall and his body. "I didn't even deny it yet", he whispered into Kihyun's ear, and Kihyun flinched at the touch of something wet against his skin.

"So what if I did it on purpose?", he continued, his voice just deep enough to destroy Kihyun's last doubt as he detached his tongue from Kihyun's earlobe. "Would you punish me then, hyung?"

His fingers on Kihyun's shoulder were wandering lower, brushing over the cloth of his shirt just hard enough for him to feel the touch on his hip. Kihyun tried to hold back, his teeth coming down to bite on his lip, his body involuntarily leaning towards Changkyun, aching to be closer to him.

Because he knew where this was going - he always did. And Changkyun did, too. Both of them knew he was doing this on purpose, and Changkyun knew just too well how much Kihyun loved it.

Changkyun clicked his tongue. "Because I rather think it's you who likes to get punished."

Kihyun inhaled sharply, in the same moment Changkyun's hand sneaked between his legs, his fingers brushing over his clothed erection; if even his foot had felt good before, this was heaven. But he needed the fabric gone, he needed to take it off, he wanted to feel Changkyun.

"Fuck, you're so hard already." A shaky breath left Changkyun's mouth as he could feel Kihyun's hardness through his jeans, his hand palming his bulge as he connected his lips with Kihyun's neck, starting to suck on the delicate skin.

Kihyun practically melted in his arms, burying his face in the crook of Changkyun's neck, breathing in his scent, hips pressing up against his hand. It had been too long, way too long since Changkyun had touched him. Kihyun's fingers wandered over the nape of Changkyun's neck, running through his hair.

"Please, Kyun", he managed to say, lips against Changkyun's skin, "God, I need you so much."

"I know", Changkyun whispered roughly. "I need you, too."

Kihyun could feel Changkyun's hand disappearing and almost whined with disappointment, until Changkyun's hands grabbed his thighs and lifted him off the ground. He wrapped his arms around Changkyun, lips coming up to meet his kisses, legs crossed behind Changkyun's back. It was almost too much, the unability to move without falling down making the movement of Kihyun's lips more desperate.

He sighed in relief as Changkyun sat him down on one of the tables at the back of the room, his hands unconsciously trying to get Changkyun's shirt out of his jeans. Changkyun moaned at that, his lips placing kisses on Kihyun's jawline as he groaned: "You don't even know how hot you look, so desperate to be fucked."

Kihyun's cock in his jeans twitched at Changkyun's words; Changkyun's hands were coming up to work on the buttons of his shirt, revealing his chest bit by bit until he was sliping the fabric off Kihyun's shoulders. His palms gliding over Kihyun's naked skin made him lose his breath, tugging more determinedly on Changkyun's shirt.

"Don't", Changkyun told him with deep voice, taking half a step back, Kihyun's hands slipping from his chest. He pressed his legs together, knees touching, desperate for friction, and bit down on his lip at Changkyun's words. He didn't want to do anything Changkyun told him not to, and so he held back, resisting the urge to touch Changkyun as he opened the buttons of his own shirt almost teasingly slow.

Kihyun always thought that Changkyun looked gorgeous, but in the dimmed light coming from the mirrors behind them, he couldn't wait to mark that soft skin of his chest, his stomach, to mark it until Changkyun would feel his touches for a while after. And Changkyun seemed to know, because as he let the shirt fall onto the floor, he breathed in deeply, finally touching Kihyun again as he placed his hands on Kihyun's knees.

"Don't close your legs", he ordered and shoved his knees in opposite directions, Kihyun's hips bucking up almost immediately. Changkyun's hands were rubbing circles onto the fabric, and his eyes were roaming up and down Kihyun's body, taking in the thin sheen of sweat decorating his flushed skin. His voice was shaking. "God, you're so beautiful."

Kihyun felt a wave of affection crash over him, and reached out for Changkyun's hand to press it against his bulge, to make Changkyun know where he needed him. He inhaled sharply as Changkyun's fingers began to massage his erection through his trousers, his other hand coming up to work on the button of Kihyun's jeans.

"Do you even know how crazy you make me with those tight jeans?", Changkyun asked, his voice almost dangerously low, fingers pulling down the zipper. "I was so close to just tearing them off of you, to forget about everyone else and just bend you over the table, take you in front of everybody."

Kihyun couldn't help but moan at Changkyun's words, his jeans finally being pulled down. He reached downwards, helping Changkyun to pull them off until they left his skin.

"You can take me now", he responded, his legs shivering just the slightest as Changkyun softly caressed them, hands sliding from his knees upwards, but never to where he needed his touch. "You can fuck me now, here. Just do it."

"I love how much you want me", Changkyun groaned, his hands stopping Kihyun's legs threatening to close, fingers moving upwards and hooking around the waistband of his underwear; Kihyun could see how Changkyun was looking at him, the expression in his eyes almost hungry, his glance taking in the outline of Kihyun's cock beneath the fabric, the wet spot displayed on the cloth, the way Kihyun tensed as he dragged his underwear down agonizingly slow.

Kihyun raised his hips, sighing in relief as Changkyun lowered the last piece of clothing on his body, his cock finally tilting towards his stomach, swollen and desperate for attention. It almost hurt; all he could think about was how much he needed Changkyun's mouth, his fingers, his cock, everything.

Changkyun didn't pull his underwear down all the way, letting it rest on his knees, hands coming up to grab Kihyun's waist, pulling him closer to the edge of the table, lips locking. Kihyun pressed his foot between Changkyun's legs in the same moment Changkyun slipped his tongue into his mouth, and he could hear him moan.

"Don't touch yourself", Changkyun breathed against his lips, searching for agreement in Kihyun's eyes. Kihyun nodded; he needed to be touched, but he needed Changkyun to do it; it was never as good as when Changkyun did it.

But instead of finally wrapping his hand around his cock, Changkyun pulled away, turning around to walk to the other side of the room. Kihyun could see how he was looking for something inside one of their bags placed on the other tables, and he clenched his hands in order not to touch himself. He tried to keep his legs opened, his underwear restricting him, but he knew Changkyun wanted to be the one taking it off completely.

As Changkyun turned around again, Kihyun was able to catch a glimpse of what he was holding in his hands, and he almost laughed. "You really did plan this, didn't you?", he asked. Changkyun was placing a kiss on his knee, setting down the lube on the table next to Kihyun before he smirked.

Kihyun thought he would answer, but instead, his fingers pulled Kihyun's underwear down all the way until it fell down onto the floor. His hands reached for the soft skin of the underside of Kihyun's knees, spreading his legs and raising them until he was able to place his feet on the edge of the table.

Changkyun's glance was focused on Kihyun's body, his tongue licking over his lips in a way that made Kihyun wish they would be on his cock by now. But Changkyun didn't touch him; he reached for the lube, putting it in Kihyun's hand, and ordered: "Finger yourself."

Kihyun thought he had misheard his words; eyebrows furrowed, he stuttered: "W-What? But I -"

"You want me to touch you?", Changkyun responded, lips curling to a smile. "So what? Do you want me to touch you until you cum? You want to cum like this, hyung? I know you don't." He leaned forward, his tongue licking a strip over Kihyun's ear; he shivered. "I know you cum the hardest with my cock up your ass, so finger yourself open for me, will you?"

Kihyun's cock twitched, thighs starting to tremble; Changkyun's hands were still caressing them, so close to where he needed them to be, but still not close enough. Changkyun was right, he was always right; Kihyun needed his cock inside of him. But first, he needed those long, slender fingers to spread him open. Except that Changkyun wouldn't do that, his eyes staring into Kihyun's dominating him more than his hands ever could.

"O-okay", Kihyun managed to respond, resisting the need to hold onto Changkyun as he backed off slightly, giving Kihyun enough space to sit down comfortably, his back against the wall, feet on the edge of the table. He knew Changkyun had seen him like this many times before, but he still felt so incredibly vulnerable, spread out like this in front of Changkyun, who was sitting down on one of the chairs in front of him, hands almost teasingly gliding over the waistband of his jeans.

His glance was following Kihyun's every motion, as he picked up the lube and opened the cap, the cold gel meeting his fingers. It wasn't like he hadn't done this before; but normally it was Changkyun who took care of him. Still, there was something strangely arousing about the way Changkyun watched him, not moving the slightest to help Kihyun even as he reached down, body flinching as the cold lube came in contact with his entrance.

Kihyun's glance flickered upwards, taking in the way Changkyun observed him, before he slowly tried to slide his middle finger inside of his ass, the fire in his abdomen tightening. It had been way too long since they had last fucked in the darkness of a hotel bathroom, even though both of them knew just how much Changkyun loved seeing Kihyun. Now he did - his tongue licking his lips as Kihyun's toes curled from the inital pain, until he managed to relax and insert the finger all the way.

His head met the wall behind him as he softly moaned; precum was starting to leak out of his cock as he carefully starting to move his finger in and out of his body. The position was uncomfortable, his wrist hurting, but Changkyun humming in approvement made him continue.

"Just like that", Changkyun praised him, his hands twitching with the urge to touch Kihyun. "Try to relax. Put in another finger, hyung."

It was almost ironic, how Changkyun was calling him hyung in such a situation, but it made Kihyun's thighs tremble even harder. He tried his best to relax just like Changkyun had told him, the tip of his index finger pressing against him rim. It hurt, waves of pain shooting up his spine, but the thought of Changkyun fucking him made him hold onto his self-control; his hand was aching to touch his cock to distract him from the pain, and Changkyun seemed like he had read his thoughts, because he stood up and took a step forward, his hands gently caressing Kihyun's thighs.

He leaned forward, his eyes on the same height as Kihyun's, as he whispered: "Come on, fuck yourself on your fingers. How will you take my cock if you can't even take two of your fingers?"

Kihyun let out a shaky breath, a shiver running through his body, legs being held open by Changkyun as both fingers slid inside his ass; the lube was making a squelching sound as he tried scissoring them, ignoring the dull pain he knew would vanish soon. Changkyun knew just what to say to make him move his hips slightly, teeth coming down to bite on his lip. He needed Changkyun to finally touch him, he needed him so much; he knew if he was being good now, Changkyun would, but he just couldn't wait anymore-

A moan slipped past Kihyun's lips as Changkyun's fingertips dug into his thighs, hips bucking up in the same instance, and he could hear Changkyun's groan; in the next moment, he felt something pressing against his hole, and he whimpered loudly as Changkyun's finger next to his own two breached his rim. Changkyun leaned down, his mouth meeting Kihyun's skin, and then his nipples, his tongue leaving wet stripes on his skin.

"C-Changkyun-", he moaned, Changkyun's finger in his ass starting to move, stretching him so good that he wanted to cry. He loved Changkyun's fingers, loved what they could do to him, loved how they could reduce him to a moaning mess in less than a second. Changkyun was kissing his chest, lips sucking on the sensitive skin of his collarbones, his other hand still holding Kihyun's thighs open.

"I bet you could cum just like this", Changkyun said, his voice dropping even lower. "You've always loved getting fingered. I still remember how you came all over your chest without even touching your cock, the first time I stretched you open."

Kihyun bit down on his lip, his left hand running through Changkyun's hair, shoving his hips down in order to get his and Changkyun's fingers deeper inside of him. His voice was shaking. "God, Changkyun, if you -"

"Don't worry, hyung", he reassured Kihyun, lips sucking on his neck for the last time as he pulled his finger out, making Kihyun whine from the immediate loss. "I will make sure you cum on my cock just how you like it, okay?" His glance flickered to the two fingers still buried inside of Kihyun. "Pull them out. I think you're stretched enough. Also, you like a bit of pain, don't you?"

Kihyun immediately obeyed, pulling his fingers out although the emptiness made him shiver. Anticipation was starting to pool in his stomach as Changkyun worked on the button of his jeans, slipping them off his legs in a smooth motion. He could see how hard Changkyun was in his underwear, and his breath hitched in his throat as Changkyun sat down on the chair again, motioning for Kihyun to come closer.

The lube almost fell out of Kihyun's hand as Changkyun reached for his waist, pulling him onto his lap and grinding up against him, the sudden friction on his cock making him moan. His noises were muffled by Changkyun's lips, kissing him even messier than before, the desperation of not having touched Kihyun for a while evident in the way he sucked on Kihyun's lips.

"I can't wait to fuck you", Changkyun suddenly moaned in English, and Kihyun flinched, hips pushing down onto Changkyun's. His voice in another language sounded even more sinful. Kihyun needed to feel him inside of him, to hear him moaning and panting just from using his body.

"Do it", he responded, hands coming down to hook around the waistband of Changkyun's underwear. It had been so long since he had touched Changkyun, and his fingers ached to wrap around his cock. "I need you to do it."

"You've really been dreaming about me fucking you, haven't you?", Changkyun teased him, raising his hips. Kihyun pulled down his underwear, not wasting any time in making them wait any longer. Changkyun kicked it off his feet, spreading his legs for Kihyun to sit on his thighs, and Kihyun felt his cock twitch in anticipation as his eyes took in Changkyun's dick, the way it was so hard, precum glistening in the light, veins showing and balls swollen.

"Fuck, yes", Kihyun cursed, his hands wandering down Changkyun's chest until the were gently closing around his cock. Changkyun softly moaned, the touch of Kihyun's fingertips too light on his skin. "I've been dreaming about it every night."

"Maybe I should've really taken you in front of everybody", Changkyun responded, hissing at the coldness of the lube as Kihyun started to spread some of it on his cock, paying attention not to touch Changkyun too much. His hands were wrapped around Changkyun's erection, admiring the way it felt so heavy and wet, thumb brushing over the tip. "Nobody would believe me just how needy you are otherwise. You're always so desperate for my cock."

Kihyun hummed, letting go of Changkyun's cock and placing the lube on the floor next to them. His stomach was hurting in anticipation of what would follow, hole clenching around nothing as he slid a bit higher on Changkyun's thighs until their cocks were touching. Changkyun was moving against him, locking their lips another time, his hand brushing a strand of hair out of Kihyun's face. "Can you ride me, baby? Can you do that?"

Kihyun quietly moaned, nodding; Changkyun calling him baby told him even more what was going to happen, and he couldn't wait for it. He needed Changkyun to fill him, to make him lose his mind until all he would be able to remember were Changkyun's hands leaving bruises on his skin.

"Raise your hips", Changkyun tried to guide him through it. Kihyun did as he was told, leaning against Changkyun, face buried in the crook of his neck as he lifted his hips. Changkyun's left hand was stroking his thighs, while his right gently massaged his ass, spreading his cheeks and positioning his cock against Kihyun's hole, the tip pressing against it.

His hand came up, holding Kihyun by his waist as he pressed him down gently. Kihyun whimpered at the feeling of the tip breaching his rim, thighs shaking with arousal; his fingertips were digging into Changkyun's back as he sank down on his cock, feeling it enter his ass inch by inch. Changkyun's hand wrapped around his cock, finally, moving up and down slowly, thumb pressing into the slit to get Kihyun to relax.

"You're doing this so well, baby", Changkyun praised him, hissing at the feeling of his boyfriend trying to take his cock. Kihyun's teeth were grazing his neck as he moaned; Changkyun's cock was touching him in all the right places, and he felt overwhelmed by all the sensations; Changkyun's fingers around his cock, his other hand holding Kihyun's lower back and his lips on Kihyun's neck.

Both of them moaned as Kihyun's ass finally met Changkyun's thighs, his cock touching Changkyun's stomach, precum smearing onto his skin. Kihyun felt so unbelievably full, the dull pain slowly disappearing as Changkun continued to jerk him off, but just enough pain to make him shiver with neediness.

"Fuck, you're so tight", Changkyun hissed, switching languages in between his sentences, knowing just how much his deep voice turned Kihyun on. "Do you think you can move, baby? Can you fuck yourself on my cock?"

Kihyun made a noise of approvement, his voice too weak to speak; all that was spilling out of his mouth were moans and whimpers. He moved his hips around, tried lifting them up, thighs shaking at the feeling of Changkyun's cock sliding out of him, and let himself fall back down, a groan leaving his lips. "Ah, f-fuck-", he managed to curse, Changkyun's hand stroking his stomach, the soft skin rising and sinking below his palms at the speed of Kihyun's quick breaths.

"How does it feel?", Changkyun asked him, trying to get Kihyun to focus on the feeling instead of the pain, admiring the way his cock disappeared into Kihyun's body each time he sank down. His hand on Kihyun's back was holding him in place, the other hand coming up to play with his nipples.

Kihyun let out a shaky breath, lips against Changkyun's neck. "S-so good ...", he moaned, hole clenching around Changkyun's cock. "I can't - I can't move, fuck, Changkyun, please just ... just fuck me, I need you to-"

Changkyun held him as he bucked up his hips, meeting Kihyun's movements halfway, the increase in speed making Kihyun fall forward, his whole body leaning onto Changkyun without energy to hold himself up. Changkyun's cock was gliding in and out of him faster, the friction on his rim making him press his knees against Changkyun's sides.

"You take my cock so well", another praise left Changkyun's lips, reaching up to turn Kihyun's head, his lip capturing Kihyun's in the span of a split second. He licked over Kihyun's lips, admiring the way his bottom lip was trembling. "Do you want me to fuck you harder, hyung?"

Kihyun nodded desperately, a muffled scream passing his lips as Changkyun thrusted up into him with more force, making his body shake. He felt so big inside of him, better than Kihyun had imagined the past weeks, and just how he needed it.

A bead of precum ran down Changkyun's stomach, and then, Kihyun's knees were digging into his sides, a scream leaving Kihyun's lips at a particular thrust, body weak against Changkyun but still trying to ride him. Changkyun felt Kihyun tremble in his arms, cock twitching as he abused Kihyun's prostate, hips bucking up quicker as he fucked him mercilessly.

"I-I am so close", Kihyun moaned, almost sounding like he was close to crying from all the pleasure, cock heavy against Changkyun's stomach. Changkyun reached down, his fingers caressing Kihyun's shaft, fingernails grazing the tip of his cock. "I need to- to - fuck, fuck I need to cum -"

"It's okay, hyung", Changkyun whispered into his ear, his fingers touching Kihyun's nipple, teeth biting down on his ear. "I'll fuck you through your orgasm, just let yourself go for me."

Changkyun's words made Kihyun whimper, his body trying to meet Changkyun's thrusts as he pounded into him, hole clenching more desperately. His fingernails were scratching over Changkyun's back as he jerked Kihyun off roughly, sweat running down Kihyun's chest. Changkyun's fingers were digging into his hipbones, wandering over his back until they reached his neck, holding him in place as he kissed him messily, teeth on lips and tongues sliding against each other.

Kihyun could feel the pressure in his abdomen building up, each stroke and thrust of Changkyun driving him closer to the edge; he was shoving his hips down with more force, before his whole body tensed as Changkyun ran his thumb over the tip of his leaking cock; he felt his body go limp, shaking from the overwhelming pleasure. Changkyun held his promise, fucking Kihyun through his orgasm, keeping up his rough thrusts even as Kihyun trembled in his hold, thighs pressing against his sides, a scream ripping out of Kihyun's throat.

He could feel the cum coming out of his cock, hitting Changkyun's stomach and running down his fingers; he couldn't remember the last time he had come this hard, cock squirting out semen even as the waves of electricity had already stopped and Changkyun's thrusts were slowing down. He was still softly stroking Kihyun's cock, his eyes hungry with need.

"Fuck, Kihyun, you came so hard", he gasped, trying to control himself to not buck his hips, sensitivity taking over Kihyun's body. Hand still wrapping around his softening cock, he used his other hand to guide Kihyun off his still hard cock, making him sit down on his lap. Kihyun's eyes were hooded, glance blurry, breathing only gradually slowing down, the emptiness hardly bearable. The overstimulation made him whimper as Changkyun gave his cock on last stroke, before he slid his fingers over his stomach, collecting the cum. Kihyun almost choked on his breath as Changkyun brought his hand up to his mouth, licking Kihyun's cum off his fingers.

"Can you suck me off?", Changkyun asked, voice shaking with the need to cum, licking the last drop of semen off his fingertips.

But Kihyun shook his head, leaning forward to kiss Changkyun. He could taste himself on his tongue, the realization making him dizzy, and used the moment of distraction to raise his hips, reaching down for Changkyun's cock and carefully sinking down on it another time.

Changkyun pulled away, breathless, reaching for Kihyun's waist to stop him, eyes wide. "W-what are you doing? You already came, you -"

Kihyun breathed in shakily, his thighs almost failing him as he slid Changkyun's cock into his ass once more, hissing at the overstimulation, head falling onto Changkyun's shoulder at the feeling of being filled a second time. His arms came around Changkyun's chest to hold onto him as he tried riding him, every sensation so much more extreme and painful than before.

"You're right, I cum the hardest with your cock up my ass", Kihyun said, voice breaking. "But I also know you cum the hardest when you're buried inside me. So come on, fuck me until you cum."

Changkyun moaned, a tiny whimper leaving his throat; Kihyun could feel his dick twitch inside of him, and he leaned forward, giving Changkyun every space he needed to use his body. Changkyun held his hips, fucking up slowly at first, afraid to break Kihyun, until Kihyun came down to meet his thrusts, trying to concentrate on the feeling of being full of Changkyun, the lips on his neck, the hands on his waist, because he had no idea when he would be able to feel it again.

"I'll cum inside of you, okay?", Changkyun asked, wanting to make sure Kihyun was okay with that, and Kihyun nodded, frantically shoving his hips down, feeling the way Changkyun started to tremble below him. He turned his head, kissing him, moans spilling out of Changkyun's mouth; he was so close, so close, and as Kihyun pushed down another time, taking Changkyun's cock all the way, he bit down on Kihyun's lip, his hips stuttering with the force of his orgasm.

His fingertips dug into Kihyun's skin, thrusting up inside him another few times as Kihyun could feel the warmth of Changkyun's cum spreading in his ass. There was something so intimate about it that he felt like crying, and he closed his legs around Changkyun, detaching his lips to breathe, foreheads against each other.

"Thank you", Changkyun whispered, voice hoarse from the moaning, his hands softly caressing Kihyun's sides. His body was still shaking, only calming down slowly. Changkyun's breath was so hot against Kihyun's lips, and he just wanted to hold onto him.

"Are you okay?", Changkyun asked, his personality changing as always after both of them had cum. He gently raised Kihyun's hips, pulling him off his cock and sitting him down on his thighs. Kihyun whimpered, feeling how Changkyun's cum inside of him was starting to leak; he didn't know what came over him, but he reached for Changkyun's hand, pulling it behind him and pushing two of Changkyun's finger inside his ass once more, trying to stop his cum from dripping down his thighs.

Changkyun's eyes widened, his voice unstable as he stuttered: "Kihyun, what are you doing? Are you ...?" He leaned forward, an alarmed tone in his voice. "Shit, Kihyun, are you crying?"

And Kihyun was indeed crying; he didn't know why. He never cried, he wasn't a person to cry a lot, but here he was, sitting in Changkyun's lap and crying like a baby, sobs breaking out of his throat.

"I - I just want it to stay inside of me", he responded, voice breaking. "I - I just need everything of you to stay with me. I c-can't - I can't take it anymore, a-all of this, n-never touching you and h-having to wait for moments like these t-to come close to you ..."

Changkyun gently detached Kihyun's hand from his wrist, pulled his fingers out of him, and embraced Kihyun, fingertips on his skin as Kihyun sobbed into the crook of his neck. He thought Kihyun would calm down, but he didn't; worried, he leaned back, turning Kihyun's head so he would be able to look at him.

"Oh god, please don't cry", he begged, feeling himself starting to tear up, too. "Why did you never say anything? I ... I knew this whole thing about keeping it secret was bothering both of us, but I thought ..."

"But it doesn't bother you as much as it bothers me", Kihyun cried. "At least I am afraid it doesn't. I - I love all of this, you know, sleeping with each other and ... all of this, but I - I don't know how long I can c-continue only touching you like this without ... w-without all the normal stuff."

Changkyun gently brushed a strand of hair out of his face. "Of course it bothers me! Why do you think do I always try to get us into situations like these? If it wasn't for me risking getting caught in the most absurd of situations, we would never ... we would never be able to touch each other."

Kihyun's sobbing was slowly dying down, Changkyun's hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. "I-It's just that ...", he tried to explain, "I don't only want your body. A-And sometimes I am afraid it's different for you."

"Kihyun, what ...?" Changkyun seemed taken aback by his words. "What? No, I mean ... fuck, I love you, Kihyun. It's just that ... when I am not able to even hold your hand for weeks, all of that need just gets so piled up inside of me ... I just want to touch you the most I can, and ... that doesn't mean I don't ... that I just want your body, okay?"

Kihyun was looking at him, eyes still wet with tears. He felt warmth spreading in his chest, the affection he was feeling for Changkyun being too much to hold inside.

"I love you", Kihyun whispered, voice quiet. "And I know I shouldn't, but I want to. I want you, all of you, all of that stupid couple stuff you see on tv and I want to do it when I want to, during the day and at night and not only when nobody is around."

"I didn't know it bothered you this much", Changkyun responded, guilt in his voice. "I thought I was too childish wanting more ... I ... I am so sorry, Kihyun, I didn't -"

"Don't be sorry when you didn't do anything wrong." Kihyun was leaning forward, gently kissing Changkyun; it was the same and still so different to a few minutes ago and god, he loved everything about it. Changkyun's scent, his way of kissing him and his voice, he wouldn't have changed things for anything. "I just ... I don't know how long I'll be able to go on like this."

Changkyun closed his eyes; Kihyun didn't know what he was thinking about but he didn't dare to ask. He felt taken aback; all those years ago, he had been afraid to ask Changkyun, because he had known he himself would always choose Changkyun over his career. But he was afraid of Changkyun's answer; he was afraid of being the only one putting love over success.

"We should clean you up", Changkyun whispered, gently helping Kihyun to get off his lap; Kihyun's legs were so weak he could barely stand, and Changkyun carefully sat him down on the table, walking over to the washbasins to get tissues. When he came back, Kihyun was looking at him with fear in his eyes, and he bit on his lip.

His touches were soft, wiping the drying cum off Kihyun's stomach before taking care of the cum starting to drip down his thighs. He looked like something inside him was breaking, and suddenly Kihyun was even more afraid than before. Maybe Changkyun wouldn't choose him; he didn't know if he would want to have Changkyun like this, only like this, if he knew Changkyun didn't love him enough to risk more.

But the next second, Changkyun was already leaning down, placing a kiss on Kihyun's forehead; Kihyun felt himself shiver under the expressed affection, his heart fluttering inside of his chest.

"I don't think I can go on like this either", he whispered, eyes searching for Kihyun's. His hand was caressing Kihyun's waist, where bruises were starting to form. "I don't care what happens to me, to all of this. I don't care about money or success, not if it means losing you."

Kihyun could feel his mouth go dry, his hands trembling with the need to reach out for Changkyun but his body unable to react. "I want to hold your hand", Changkyun explained, lips shivering. "I want to kiss you in front of everybody and sleep in one bed and hug you from behind when you're cooking and ... just be with you. Like this, but also like everything else."

Kihyun could feel he was starting to tear up again, and this time, he finally managed to wrap his arms around Changkyun.

"Do you ..." Changkyun's voice was hesitant and determined at the same time. "Do you want to tell the others? I don't want it to be a secret anymore that I love you."

And then he was crying again, and smiling at the same time, because, god, he loved everything about this boy, everything about Changkyun he probably didn't even know about, he loved him so much everything inside of him hurt.

"Okay", he sobbed, leaning forward and pulling Changkyun down at the same time, naked bodies pressed against each other, because being so vulnerable in front of Changkyun was all he had ever wanted; Changkyun was his and he was Changkyun's.

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> It is Christmas, but where is Jesus honestly.
> 
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> Instagram: @akiko_chaan  
> Twitter: @Akiko_chaan  
> Tumblr: @akiko-chaan  
> Wattpad: @Akiko-chaan


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